this weekend i tried to tell you i loved you by watching your face when you spoke i watched your movements when you moved and i sat fascinated by your words i bet you didn't know

this weekend i told you who i would like to see i told you i thought he was brilliant and clever and cute in an understated way somewhat fascinated by him ten years later you said yes but he does seem dry gifted but dry and i think he sort of has a practical answer for everything and anyway he doesn't see any magic you know? i hadn't thought of that yet but he is really into science you had a point

i complained and felt annoyed and bratty and said family this family that they're making me do this poor me poor that and you said your mom said when it comes to this kinda stuff OFFER IT UP which you said you thought was vaguely religious which i thought was kinda funny like being vaguely italian or kind of eating a ham sandwich but i'm gonna use it and offer it up to god and not complain like a tween

and yet another person thought i was a pothead and told me about his medical california card

and a girl said at the reunion oh my god you're fucking gorgeous to me and all i could think of to do was blink awkwardly and say whatever came to my mind which was you too? same as you samesies

and then before i knew it was half past four in the morning and really WHAT is better than totally losing track of time? i had thought it was one thirty maybe two but there we were eating at the best place i would never have wanted to be anywhere in the world at that time in that moment but there and i feel in love on the spot so much and the night continued or the morning i guess and we ate biscuits and laughed and talked to everyone in our path which turned out to be a guy who wrote a very very special piece met him joked around and found out a little more today no big deal he writes for the atlantic and we are going to hangout someday soon so i can pick his brain and he said i was charming which i think is spanish for tipsy spectacle

wow love it love it all and the thing i took away from some of this time is it's all in what you make of it. everything everything everything is. everything always is.